Heaven Anniversary

Hi Paige,

It’s been a year since you last really talked to me with your earth voice.  I don’t remember the last thing that you said to me but I think it was that you felt better.  I hope that had some deeper meaning.  I consider that day pretty much the day you left me, and I guess it just took two days for everyone else to process it.   I sat by your bed many times in your life, and I know that you weren’t there in the end.

I hope instead of people feeling sorry for me on Wednesday that they say, “you are so lucky to be Paige’s mom”.    I love having you in my heart now, and I love it when you find a way to fight your way through the bitterness.  I would never, never trade my life for an easier one.  It is definitely a very sad story that you died so young, but it is a very happy story that you lived such a beautiful life.

You lived such a perfect life, I especially loved when you wore a bathing suit everywhere we went for six months.  I also loved it when you pushed a ribbon up your nose and didn’t tell me for three days.  I like that you would say bad words and on occasion tell me something untrue.  And that you spent the last week of your life pissed that we didn’t have cocoa puffs yet.  I love the things that made you less than perfect because it reminds me that it is possible that you were my daughter.    I’m pretty glad that I would always whisper in your ear little secrets that would make you giggle.

Haley told me that her favorite thing about me is that you grew in my belly.  That’s kind of hard to top.  Happy anniversary in heaven, I hope it feels like yesterday and that it seems like I’ll be there tomorrow.

Love,

Mommy

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