Hi Paigie.
How is heaven doing? I feel like summer is slipping away, and I still have no plan whatsoever on how to maintain my sanity once school starts. I think the new kid/foster kid/adopt a kid idea is really going nowhere. So, if you have any pull up there, you could have some teenage mom accidentally drop their baby off at my house instead on the fire station or something. And, really, I don’t need a newborn, I like to sleep. I’m not currently a fan of the pre-teen years though, maybe let’s aim for 5 or under. I guess you could also put a job on the porch for me. I’d like to work 2 or 3 days a week in a non-stressful, monkey-like environment. But, I would like there to be a requirement of wearing cute clothes because I would like to buy some. Also, they could be really rigid about getting manicures and pedicures. And, I need summers off. And, holidays and a two-week Christmas break. I should probably also be off most of May for the Princess Run. At this point, it sort of seems like sitting around here looking at old pictures and staring out the window might just be the way to go. I already have the perfect clothes and nails for that anyway.
So, in other news, either someone is lacing my coffee with LSD (which would be fantastic) or I may have found a way to hypnotize myself into peaceful clarity. It all started during another day of cruise directing when Haley proclaimed it “girl talk” time again. I was down with it and said we should go sit on the porch for our twelfth round of girl talk for the day. We sat on the porch swing and talked for about 90 seconds before Haley decided she needed to make a snack run. I was left alone in the swing and was already super tired from being up half the night with Grace throwing up (she only really threw up once but amazingly at nine, not much effort to get it to the bathroom so the clean up was a struggle. And, then I had a flashback and subsequent breakdown to you being sick. ) Back to the portal story . . . so I was on the porch swing by myself and I closed my eyes and lifted my feet into the swing in an effort to take a nap. I wouldn’t say that I fell asleep but I got confusingly off-balance and then had a barrage of happy memories flood my mind. When I did open my eyes, it took like a full 3o seconds to remember where I was and that my life was going a little better in the trance version. Obviously, I thought I was just tired and hallucinating (or hopefully Miss Danielle puts a little something special into her cookies for me). But, guess what, I did it again today (and actually Haley went too and again decided to go back for a snack after 90 seconds). I got the magic version of happy images again. I freaking love that swing now and the trips down the rabbit hole. If it happens again tomorrow, I’m going to start sleeping out there. I do realize that this puts my sanity certificate in serious jeopardy. Hmmmm, sanity, fuck it.
I don’t even know why I’m in my office now instead of out at the portal (I do though, bugs would be biting me). I’m only going once a day just in case there is some limit on how many times you can hypnotize yourself into a happier place. I will hopefully see you there tomorrow, usually about 5pm eastern standard earth time works for me. If the portal closes and I also get neither a new baby or a new job, would you just consider sending some actual hallucinogenic drugs over. Just give it some thought, you don’t need to make a decision right now.
I love you,
Mommy
